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Need A Little Nudge to Spice Up Your Dating Life? Check Out Love At First Site Tonight!

28 Apr https://flic.kr/p/KiWNC

Candace and I are always sharing with y’all our annoyances with the dating pool, and although many of our blog readers commiserate with our experiences, it’s safe to say that Candace and I are the worst people to give you dating advice.  We’re no experts! We literally have NO proven results from people following our advice. What we do have thankfully, is a good sense of humor about the whole thing.  So, that’s why I’ve turned to Erika Ettin of A Little Nudge for some online dating feedback.

Unlike us, Erika has proven results from people taking her online dating advice. She works with her clients to vamp up their online profiles to get the best results, and she was gracious enough to answer a few questions for us while she prepares for Love at First Site, on Monday, April 28, at Sixth & I Synagogue where she’ll go even more in depth. The best part?  If you like what Erika is saying here … you can win a pair of tickets to see her speak tonight! Details after Erika’s Q&A!

Continue reading

Tips for Online Dating: Window of Opportunity

12 Feb

A recent exchange on twitter has led me to a simple conclusion.  So many of us dating online, are failing time and time again to date offline.  And then we complain about why we’re still single.

I find that this is the key reason why so many of us are disillusioned the dating pool.  People like to say that meeting someone online is all about percentages and algorithms. WRONG. It’s all about TIMING. There is a very small window of opportunity once you open up conversation with a stranger.  That window, on average lasts somewhere between 3 to 7 days — a little longer if you’ve been proactive and gotten yourself on the schedule of a particularly busy person. Continue reading

Tips for Online Dating: Be Patient!

4 Feb

I know in this fast paced world people want and expect answers now now NOW! But when it comes to dating, you have to be a little patient. Why? Well because you can’t have everything you want when you want it, Varuca Salt! Also because when you’re trying to cultivate a relationship with another person you have to understand that everyone is on a different time table and may not be able to answer you right away. This is something I, myself find very difficult. If it takes too long for someone to answer my text I freak out internally thinking they have realized they don’t want to date me anymore and obviously hate me. I am constantly talking myself down from the cliff of insanity by reminding myself that people are busy and that, I too,  sometimes take a while to respond. Understanding this is important in order to convey to your potential partner that you can be accommodating and that you respect their time. These are great qualities in a mate – and none of the men I have been speaking to have it.

Recently I have been back on OKCupid because I a) secretly hate myself and because b) my fantasy of meeting someone without putting any effort in whatsoever is seeming less promising as of late. I started talking to this one guy who was a Bruce Springsteen fan (Yes!) He used our mutual affection for the boss as an ice breaker – smart move. I was excited to chat with someone who I might have something in common with until he revealed his lack of patience. I answered his first question only to check my inbox and see 8 more messages sent in a row – each another question. I get it, you’re inquisitive, you want to know more about me but give me a chance to answer! When I joked about his online interrogation (obviously I didn’t use that word) he said, simply, that I was taking too long to answer. Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I have a JOB and can’t sit on OKCupid all day long to answer your questions the SECOND they pop into my inbox. Also if I am taking a long time to answer why are you sending me MORE questions? Wouldn’t that mean that, logically, I would take even LONGER to answer because your messages are clogging up my inbox creating a never ending stream of messages that I must answer one by one? Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal but I admit to having some anger issues so long story short, I was annoyed.

Now take for instance this lovely gentleman. This man thought I was the bees knees and was very open about telling me about it. Call me crazy but if a dude goes out of his way to tell you you’re pretty (even if he’s lying) I think that’s pretty sweet. What’s not sweet is them getting angry at you when you refuse to call them RIGHT THAT SECOND or respond to their questions right that second. This guy got a little mad.

Why do I feel like he's yelling at me?!

Why do I feel like he’s yelling at me?!

Now call me crazy but this doesn’t seem like the best approach now does it? I get it, you want instant gratification but if you do want to get to know me (which I genuinely suspect you do not) then wouldn’t you want to.. I don’t know… take it down a few notches? We’re all a little crazy in our own ways. We want things when and how we want them but the only way we ever hope to avoid living alone with 40 cats is to be aware that our needs cannot be met instantaneously. So gentlemen (and ladies) if you’re fishing for a new boo you’ve got to give it time. And give them time. Otherwise you look nuts. And a little mean.

Danny Castellano From The Mindy Project is My Ideal Man. Here’s Why.

23 Jan

After being pressured by what seemed like everyone I’ve ever known, I started watching The Mindy Project. I wasn’t actively avoiding the show but my newfound obsession with Netflix has left me a little out of sorts when it comes to real-time episodic TV. I always forget when shows are on, or what channel so I just give up and binge watch other shows that have already been on for 5 seasons AND I HAVE TO CATCH UP LIKE NOW, OK?! I’d seen the pilot episode of The Mindy Project but soon after fell into a deep obsession with Breaking Bad and basically removed myself from my own life so I could finish it. Luckily for me, my BFF Valeria is always looking out for me so when she gently nudged me watch it again, I obliged.

Before we go on I should mention that, for about 10 years, I have had a crush on Chris Messina. Ever since he played Ted on Six Feet Under (which now looking back I was probably too young to watch) I have been swooning over him. He’s one of those actors that seems to be in EVERYTHING but isn’t famous enough to be plastered all over Us Weekly – which I love. For me, Chris Messina and Mindy’s adorable nature (and killer wardrobe) were big draws so I started watching online. Now that I have several episodes under my belt, naturally, I’m into the whole Mindy/Danny “are they or aren’t they?” story line. Why? Because the studly New Yorker with a bad attitude, otherwise known as Danny Castellano, is my perfect man. He has all the elements that make for my ultimate ideal life partner. They are listed below:

He loves Bruce Springsteen.
Why is this important? Well… if you’re even questioning why this is important I already know that you have the emotional depth of a potted plant so feel free to see yourself out! If you’re familiar with Springsteen’s music you know how poetic and emotional it truly is. A lot of folks (and I’m talking to the young folks here) seem to have this image of a tight- jean-wearing Springsteen dancing with Courtney Cox seared into their memory and base their opinions of him and his music solely on that. I’ll admit those jeans and those dance moves maybe weren’t the best of times in the Springsteen universe but have you ever actually listened to the lyrics of ‘Dancing in the Dark’? That song is about pain, it’s about introspection, it’s about being fed up with what life has handed to you. That is what Springsteen is about. A man who loves music that is that poetically angst-y has to have the emotional intelligence to understand all of the feelings being expressed in those songs; they have to understand what it’s like to struggle, to question themselves, to care and to feel pain so deeply that they want to “take a knife and rip this pain from [their] heart” (see: Promised Land from Darkness on the Edge of Town). And we know that Danny understands pain – he was abandoned by his father and practically raised his little brother. Which leads me to reason #2.

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He’s a family man
Though Mr. Castellano’s sharp judgments and even sharper tongue might have you peg him as a loner, but there is a warm heart that beats underneath that icy shell of a man as proven by his role as loving and accepting older brother. As I mentioned in the Danny Castellano Canon of The Mindy Project, his father ditched when he was a kid, leaving his mother to work multiple jobs and Danny to raise his younger brother, Richie. Soon after meeting him, we find out that Richie is gay, and perhaps because Danny seems, at times, a little overly “macho” the other characters believe that a) he doesn’t know and that b) he would be shocked and/or disappointed by the revelation – and that’s where they’d be wrong. Danny is macho but he’s secure enough in his macho-ness to love and support his brother for who he is. Which, in a word, is awesome.

He can dance.
I cannot express how much I LOVE that this dude can dance. I don’t consider myself a good dance but nevertheless I love to break it down from time to time and when I do, I am constantly shocked and saddened by the lack of men on the dance floor. Yes, you’re men and yes, you’re allowed to dance! This is why I love Bollywood – I love watching men dance! American men do not break it down nearly enough for my personal liking but lucky for us, Danny Castellano is not afraid to show off his moves after studying an Aaliyah video on YouTube for what I can only assume were countless hours. He quite literally gave someone the gift of dance! Bravo, Danny! Show ‘em how it’s done.

He’s a Doctor.
I just put this one down for my mom. Because if I can’t marry a Jewish doctor, any doctor will do – even if it’s a doctor for lady parts. I was going to make a joke here but I’ll just quit while I’m ahead. Use your imagination.

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He wears baseball shirts.
Ok this one is kind of stupid, but I have a thing for baseball shirts. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of some olden time in America when girls were girls and men were men… wait, that’s the theme song to All in the Family… but you get what I’m saying.  Baseball shirts are a solid throwback piece that don’t feel hipster-y or try-hard. And they’re playful; they gives off a kind of boyish charm – even when you’re wearing one at 38.  And when fitted well you can see some nice chest action. But perhaps the most important reason I love baseball shirt is that they remind me of Benny “The Jet” Rodriquez from the Sandlot  who, if you remember clearly, was a total babe. Basically this is all to say: carry on, Danny! I like your style.

He’s a man, not a bro.
What exactly do I mean by this? Well from what I’ve gathered, he is a man who is firmly planted in his masculinity. He seems like the kind of guy who protects his lady (a la the whole “stay in the car!” scenario from last week’s episode) but isn’t possessive of his lady – you feel me? He wouldn’t be texting you every five minutes asking “where are you?” because he’s not an insecure little boy pretending to be a man. He is a man who knows that his lady (in this scenario, me!) is only ever at 1 of 4 places: work, Sephora, CVS and my house! Plus Danny’s judgmental nature makes me wonder if he thinks texting is stupid. He probably does. Oh, and another thing, he appreciates women for being women! Ok so you have a little back fat and your boobs aren’t exactly symmetrical- he’s cool with it! In the words of Dr. Castellano “you’re a woman, look like a woman.”

Underneath that scowl, he’s a good guy.
He’s not a bad dude – he’s just from New York! We’re all a bit prickly. You would be too if you ever had to try and get on an express train from Times Square during rush hour.  But Danny, just like the perfect New York bagel, is tough on the outside but all warm and fluffy inside. Sure, he might have threatened to punch someone in the face more than a few times but he’s also not afraid to tell you when he needs emotional support – or a ride because he got lost in the desert. He’s snarky but he’s also sincere, and when the time is right he’ll make his feelings known. PLUS HE LOOKS JUST LIKE CHRIS MESSINA.

So there you have it, Danny Castellano is my perfect man. Now if I could just find someone like him that isn’t a fictional character I would be golden!

Tips For Online Dating: Don’t Overshare

20 Jan

The best part about online dating (and real life dating as well) is the hilarity and reactions that ensue when you share a particularly juicy message with your friends.   Juicy doesn’t always have to mean swoon-worthy, I’ll have you know. In fact, very rarely will a online message that elicits an actual response be shared among friends.  Most ladies I know like to play it close to the chest when it comes to that.  We don’t like to overshare about important things.

Men, on the other hand are all about the overshare. Continue reading

Tips for Online Dating: A Series

6 Jan

Well, ladies and gentlemen (but mostly ladies) we’ve reached a sad point in history when online dating is the number one source for connecting with another human being. That’s right, we have become so paranoid and so wrapped up in our online personas that we no longer truly believe in meeting someone in a natural setting. Sure, we say we do but when was the last time you actually engaged  in  a conversation with a perfect stranger? Well, I’m from New York so I was basically born suspicious of everything and everyone so naturally, anyone speaking to me that I deem a stranger is completely terrifying. When approached by a gentleman in a bar I always think a) WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?! and b) are you a serial killer? While I generally find the act of engaging with strangers dubious at best, I also don’t want to be a cat lady. So what’s the solution? Online dating! Not just for losers anymore, it’s for everyone.

I haven’t had much luck with my “prospects” mainly because dudes either a) have no game b) have way too much game or c) want to see pictures of my feet. Oddly enough it’s b that bothers me the most, but I digress. So how does one maneuver the dangers and potential pitfalls of online dating? Well, I don’t really know but let’s learn together, shall we?

Tip #1: Be polite!

Always be polite. No, not because you legitimately want to be nice but because you should ALWAYS be paranoid! Yes, I said it, be paranoid! Are you already paranoid? Be more paranoid than that! Now that everyone is facebooking and snapchatting their lives away, they want to put you on blast on social media, too! If you say something rude or crazy or ridiculous you can just about bet that that person is gonna put you on their instagram or some other platform (which is exactly what I’m about to do now.) Take for instance, this fine specimen below. He is blatantly asking me if I want to have sex with him. The answer is no, but I said “no thanks!” just in case he decided to make our interaction public with his “boyz,” at the very least he can say I wasn’t down, but I was nice about it!

datingI would also like to point out that we are a 10% match. So that pretty much sums it up. Happy dating, friends! Stay safe (and paranoid) our there.

MORE Evidence that Chris Hemsworth is the Ideal Mate for the Modern Cave Woman

21 Nov

His wife is pregnant with baby #2! Congratulations are in order for this insanely attractive couple and by “congratulations” I mean “be happy for them and simultaneously feel hideously jealous while hating your own life” – this may or may not involve more ice cream. And may I please remind you of  what I said about him being able to propagate the species? Oh that’s right, I said he could! And he is, as proof of his soon-t0-be second offspring. Not only is he putting more people on this planet, he’s putting people with God-like genetics on this planet.  Can’t say that’s a terrible legacy to leave behind.

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Can I also just say, as a woman, I respect his wife because this lady is doing it RIGHT! If I were married to Chris Hemsworth I would be pregnant all the damn time. Good work, you two! Mazel!