Tips for Online Dating: Window of Opportunity

12 Feb

A recent exchange on twitter has led me to a simple conclusion.  So many of us dating online, are failing time and time again to date offline.  And then we complain about why we’re still single.

I find that this is the key reason why so many of us are disillusioned the dating pool.  People like to say that meeting someone online is all about percentages and algorithms. WRONG. It’s all about TIMING. There is a very small window of opportunity once you open up conversation with a stranger.  That window, on average lasts somewhere between 3 to 7 days — a little longer if you’ve been proactive and gotten yourself on the schedule of a particularly busy person.

I connected with a feller via Tinder a while back, (January 6 to be precise).  Now, more than month later, we are still communicating via the app, and while he and I both keep hinting at an offline meet up, I know (at least on my behalf) that this is absolutely going to go nowhere.  I’m keeping the conversation going merely because I sometimes get bored on a lazy Sunday, and antsy 10 minutes before I leave the office.  Plus, I enjoy the ego boost by some flirtatious chats with a cute stranger who finds me wildly charming. Am I wasting my waning dating energy by keeping the pilot light lit on this?  Probably. But what else am I going to do? Rewatch Mindy and Danny’s kiss and ass-grab for the 5th time? I have to live my own romantic comedy you guys (or in my case, a tragi-comedy).

If you really want to jump on meeting someone offline, here’s what you need to do:

1) Keep online chats/texts to no more than 2-3 days.  On that last day, make your move!  If you haven’t made your move by then, well, then you done messed up. Over and done! Onto the next! Or do what I do, and engage in endless back and forth to revisit in times of boredom. Whatever you do though, don’t move onto any of the next steps until you’ve completed step 1 successfully.

1b) “Making your move” doesn’t mean say “we should get together” or “let’s go have coffee.” It follow the formula of Activity + Location + Time + Date + Confirmation. Anything less than that, is open to ignoring completely.

2) Hopefully, your schedules made sweet love and you’ve managed to set up an in-person meet within the next 72 hours (if you’re good at math, like I’m not, this means your line of communication has now lasted between 2-6 days).  It’s all good to keep chatting/texting before the in person meet, but cool your heels or else you’ll have nothing to talk about in person. Or worse, you’ll get so caught up in the back and forth on your phone, that when the chemistry is all off in person you’ll want to shoot yourself in a bathtub with warm water, and at the same time pour sulfuric acid on your private parts. I promise I’m not exaggerating.

If you’ve had to set a date for the following week, don’t despair.  I’ve gone on several successful dating runs with people I haven’t been able to get together with until at least a week later.  Remember, we are all actual human beings with commitments, and if we’re making time for you, it means we’re interested and want to meet you!  Instead of texting your potential future lover every 3 hours … keep it to non-billable hours at least.  You don’t want to be enthusiastic, but not desperate.

3) Enjoy your in person hangout/date/meeting/happy hours/whatever-the-fuck-you-wanna-call-it.  Take it from there, if after your initial encounter you still want to see this person again – let them know!  Don’t be a loser that says “I’ll see you soon,” and disappear.  With the way that people treat each other in this crazy dating game, that send-off is the equivalent of “don’t darken my doorstep ever again,” or “lose my number immediately and pretend this never happened.”

The truth is, I’ve found that the way to be the most successful with online dating is to approach it the same way you approach a person you meet at a bar.  Flirt, exchange info, flirt some more, get together, make out.  If you’re doing it any other way, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.

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5 Responses to “Tips for Online Dating: Window of Opportunity”

  1. kleeellis February 12, 2014 at 7:08 pm #

    So true! Too often we let online communication go on FOREVER, without actually meeting. But in truth, the online interaction should just be a brief introduction, then a swift transition into dating offline. In person chemistry could be drastically different so don’t waste time. And I love your advice to be bold and get to the point. So many “what ifs” arise after being wishy washy with our feelings– do we want to meet up, go on a second date? Don’t be afraid to say so! Great post! 🙂

  2. Glenn.A February 26, 2014 at 1:58 am #

    Spending to much chatting online on dating sites of even Tinder wont get you anywhere. 3 days of back and forth chatting should be enough to determine if the other person is interested. Ask for a quick coffee meet and see where it leads. As much as I hate it when my friends tell me “its a numbers game”, this can hold true in some cases in the dating world. Look forward to the next post!

  3. best dating sites for men March 6, 2014 at 5:49 am #

    I completely agree with this post. There is nothing wrong with being bold and straight to the point. When you like the guy tell him for him know what you feel towards him,don’t be afraid to express your feelings. You may never know he likes women who are vocal and expressive with how they feel.

  4. Jen March 29, 2014 at 3:32 pm #

    There’s nothing wrong of being vocal. You should always tell the person what you feel because at the end you’ll just keep blaming yourself, you’ll never know if the person likes you back. 🙂

  5. Jen March 31, 2014 at 3:58 pm #

    But online dating is a stepping stone to meet other people using the technology. I can’t wait for the next post! 🙂

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