Tips for Online Dating: Be Patient!

4 Feb

I know in this fast paced world people want and expect answers now now NOW! But when it comes to dating, you have to be a little patient. Why? Well because you can’t have everything you want when you want it, Varuca Salt! Also because when you’re trying to cultivate a relationship with another person you have to understand that everyone is on a different time table and may not be able to answer you right away. This is something I, myself find very difficult. If it takes too long for someone to answer my text I freak out internally thinking they have realized they don’t want to date me anymore and obviously hate me. I am constantly talking myself down from the cliff of insanity by reminding myself that people are busy and that, I too,  sometimes take a while to respond. Understanding this is important in order to convey to your potential partner that you can be accommodating and that you respect their time. These are great qualities in a mate – and none of the men I have been speaking to have it.

Recently I have been back on OKCupid because I a) secretly hate myself and because b) my fantasy of meeting someone without putting any effort in whatsoever is seeming less promising as of late. I started talking to this one guy who was a Bruce Springsteen fan (Yes!) He used our mutual affection for the boss as an ice breaker – smart move. I was excited to chat with someone who I might have something in common with until he revealed his lack of patience. I answered his first question only to check my inbox and see 8 more messages sent in a row – each another question. I get it, you’re inquisitive, you want to know more about me but give me a chance to answer! When I joked about his online interrogation (obviously I didn’t use that word) he said, simply, that I was taking too long to answer. Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I have a JOB and can’t sit on OKCupid all day long to answer your questions the SECOND they pop into my inbox. Also if I am taking a long time to answer why are you sending me MORE questions? Wouldn’t that mean that, logically, I would take even LONGER to answer because your messages are clogging up my inbox creating a never ending stream of messages that I must answer one by one? Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal but I admit to having some anger issues so long story short, I was annoyed.

Now take for instance this lovely gentleman. This man thought I was the bees knees and was very open about telling me about it. Call me crazy but if a dude goes out of his way to tell you you’re pretty (even if he’s lying) I think that’s pretty sweet. What’s not sweet is them getting angry at you when you refuse to call them RIGHT THAT SECOND or respond to their questions right that second. This guy got a little mad.

Why do I feel like he's yelling at me?!

Why do I feel like he’s yelling at me?!

Now call me crazy but this doesn’t seem like the best approach now does it? I get it, you want instant gratification but if you do want to get to know me (which I genuinely suspect you do not) then wouldn’t you want to.. I don’t know… take it down a few notches? We’re all a little crazy in our own ways. We want things when and how we want them but the only way we ever hope to avoid living alone with 40 cats is to be aware that our needs cannot be met instantaneously. So gentlemen (and ladies) if you’re fishing for a new boo you’ve got to give it time. And give them time. Otherwise you look nuts. And a little mean.


2 Responses to “Tips for Online Dating: Be Patient!”


  1. Tips for Online Dating: Window of Opportunity | Notes Between Friends - February 12, 2014

    […] with people I haven’t been able to get together with until at least a week later.  Remember, we are all actual human beings with commitments, and if we’re making time for you, it means we’re interested and want to meet you! […]

  2. Need A Little Nudge to Spice Up Your Dating Life? Check Out Love At First Site Tonight! | Notes Between Friends - April 28, 2014

    […] of our blog readers commiserate with our experiences, it’s safe to say that Candace and I are the worst people to give you dating advice.  We’re no experts! We literally have NO proven results from people following our advice. […]

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