Single Lady Beauty: Chocolate Coffee Hair Rinse

23 Jan

It may seem that Candace and I spend most of our time talking about how we wish we had love in our lives.  In reality, the dating pool is terrifying and it’s a lot safer to just stay at home and cuddle our pets (in my case) and jazz up our lipstick collection (in Candace’s case).   I think one of the greatest things about being single is that I can do all sorts of weird shit to myself, and not be worried that my actions are making my paramour think twice.  I know that the beauty stuff that ladies do to themselves freaks guys out because I have personally experienced a soured relationship.

I was dating a guy who lived his life #YOLO to the utmost (I also suspect that he was secret CIA, but that’s another story). Things were going swimmingly with us, until the day I realized I left my car keys at his place.  He found them and told me he would drop them off at my house on a Sunday morning before heading to a round of golf (SO ANGLO, I know).  Instead of letting my roommate’s boyfriend answer the door for me, I rushed out of the kitchen in a hair towel, fleece bathrobe adorned with baby blue stripes and peace signs (it was a Christmas present in high school, and SUPER warm), and of course, a bright green face mask.  I opened the door, and #YOLO stepped back in fear, and carefully handed me my car keys.  Our affair quickly fizzled out after that. I suspect that his penchant for blacking out and my penchant for weekend beauty treatments is what did us in.

If there’s one thing I cannot give up though, is my weekend beauty treatments. I can go months upon months without a little touch from the male species, but if I go one week without giving my hair and skin a little TLC, I hate myself.  I start looking haggard and breaking out, my hair gets knotty and dry, and literally so tangled that little mice and birdies could safely nest in there.  I’m also a sucker for expensive beauty products (as Candace knows, I preach the virtues of Lush and now she knows better). Sometimes the $$ really do equal a better product, but, especially when it comes to hair products, that $$ is killing your hair just as much as the cheap stuff.  And I’m not even a thousand-aire, so if I can cut back on some $20-$40 deep conditioners, count me in!

The new thing I’ve discovered is a Chocolate-Coffee rinse.  It’s a two-fold treatment of both conditioning your hair and making it shine with the glare of one thousand suns.  Since I have curly hair, I’m big on following the curly girl method (which involves using no sulfates, parabens, and silicones) so I got this particular recipe from naturallycurly.com which is where I go to do research on my hair when I’m bored at work  when I’m facing a particular hair crisis.

Chocolate-Coffee Hair Rinse (adapted from naturallycurly.com)

1/2 cup of brewed dark roast espresso (cold/room temp)
3 tbsp of cocoa powder (always sugar free, and use organic when possible)
1/2 cup of conditioner (best to use leave-in, but regular daily conditioner will work in a pinch)

I made some adjustments, which may have affected the results, but mostly I think they affected the consistency of the mixture. I used regular old cocoa powder instead of the non-alkanized cocoa powder that was suggested, because it’s what I had lying around, and I used regular daily conditioner instead of a leave-in conditioner, also for the same reason.

I mixed all the ingredients together, and whipped them up with a fork.  Then I went to my bathtub and went to town, working the mixture all throughout my freshly cleaned hair.  This is when the leave-in conditioner suggestion became abundantly clear.  This thing was dripping everywhere – down my hair, onto my back and face. It looked like someone had a case of explosive D in the bathtub and then I had taken it and smothered it throughout my hair.  Not. Pretty.

To keep it from dripping everywhere, I then attempted to cover my head in saran wrap (unsuccessfully) and then covered the saran wrap with a shower cap to stop the drippiness from getting all over my body.

This is the photo I send to guys when they ask me to send them a selfie.

This is the photo I send to guys when they ask me to send them a selfie.

The original recipe suggests leaving it in your hair overnight and rinsing out the next day. But mama ain’t got the patience to be sleeping in a bath of coffee conditioner, and also it was around 5pm when I did it, and had a full evening of netflix ahead of me.  Instead, I decided to leave this concoction in my hair for the duration of a long dog walk (roughly an hour), because it’s always good to get some exercise in during beauty treatments.  So yes dear reader, I bundled up, and left my house looking ratchet to walk my dog along the jogging trail.  I did that.  These are the things I do to keep my hair looking amazing, and to keep my relationship status as single for life.

I attempted to hide my shower cap underneath the hood of my coat. No idea if I was successful.

I attempted to hide my shower cap underneath the hood of my coat. No idea if I was successful.

Upon my dog walk return, I washed my hair in the bathtub with ice cold water — so cold that my head hurt.  This is supposed to seal hair follicles or something and make it shine even better.  It’s also something I can only stand to do to just my hair and not my entire body, because I’m staunchly anti-torture.

Followed by an air dry during some The Wire binge-watching, my hair looked darkly delicious and smelled fabulous, but was frankly, a little limp.

I would suggest for anyone trying this out, that it’s a good idea to rinse out the coffee mixture completely with shampoo and conditioner. I went to a kickboxing class the next day and the smell of coffee and chocolate emitted from my scalp, effectively covering my stank sweaty armpits. I was thankful for this, but clearly, my hair needed more rinsing.  When I finally did get around to fully washing my hair OH EM GEEE YOU GUISEEEEE it was SOOOOO AMAZING. My curls were bouncy, my hair the softest ever, and smelled amazing.  So of course, I forgot to take a utilitarian selfie.

Not exactly my hair post-coffee rinse, but a few days later. Still looking great.  Also, halo effect brought to you by cracked screen

Not exactly my hair post-coffee rinse, but a few days later. Still looking great. Also, halo effect brought to you by cracked screen

But seriously my fellow brunettes — do this and report back, your hair will love you.

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One Response to “Single Lady Beauty: Chocolate Coffee Hair Rinse”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tips for Online Dating: Window of Opportunity | Notes Between Friends - February 12, 2014

    […] I connected with a feller via Tinder a while back, (January 6 to be precise).  Now, more than month later, we are still communicating via the app, and while he and I both keep hinting at an offline meet up, I know (at least on my behalf) that this is absolutely going to go nowhere.  I’m keeping the conversation going merely because I sometimes get bored on a lazy Sunday, and antsy 10 minutes before I leave the office.  Plus, I enjoy the ego boost by some flirtatious chats with a cute stranger who finds me wildly charming. Am I wasting my waning dating energy by keeping the pilot light lit on this?  Probably. But what else am I going to do? Rewatch Mindy and Danny’s kiss and ass-grab 5th time? I have to live my own romantic comedy you guys (or in my case, a tragi-comedy). […]

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