The US Seems To Be Occupied By Members of the He-Man Women Hater’s Club Part 1: Domestic Violence

20 Feb

I have a feeling that this is what is going on lately among our elected officials and pop stars

I know I’m a little late in adding to the commentary of what has been going on in the sexual politics of the world lately, but unlike people better then myself, it takes me a while to get my thoughts together in a coherent manner — and even then, I get so heated that I lose all cohere-esness.  So, here it goes .. compartmentalized for ease.

There Isn’t An Insult Strong Enough for How Terrible
This Whole Chris Brown Thing Is

It really baffles me how easy it is for the general public to forgive deplorable actions by men in the spotlight.  Whether it’s sexual abuse, or more recently domestic violence, everyone has been ready to forgive and forget, whether with an award or a roast.  That is seriously fucked up.

I’m not saying that people that have done horrible things, can’t redeem themselves, because I’m all for penance, and rehabilitation and all that jazz.  But, with Chris Brown, I get maaaad heated, because he has done absolutely nothing to show remorse over his actions, because he hasn’t needed to in order to maintain a fulfilling career.

Sasha Pasulka said it best in her HelloGiggles article that went viral around Grammy time, describing how when Usher (who is like 300,000x more talented IMO) had to issue a public apology after expressing disappointment in Brown after pictures surfaced of the cherub-faced girlfriend-beater riding around on his jet ski in Miami just a short time after the entire incident.

Don’t no one curr about a woman getting the shit beat out of her.  Everyone was rubbernecking when we saw what Rihanna looked like in the police report, but we all just shook our head, said “that’s a shame, maybe they can learn from this,” and moved on.

We’re still stuck inside this mentality that physical violence only happens because the other person was asking for it.  Or that face-punching is just a way that people show they care, and it’s romantic in a really possessive kind of way.  That’s the wrong thing to be teaching to our young women and men.

God bless Latin Dads, for they know that their daughters are princesses.  I’m not saying that there weren’t moments in my life where I was smacked on the bum, and the like, my family believes in corporal punishment — that’s just how it was done in the old country!  But never anything to the extent of landing me with contusions on my body and a first-name basis relationship with a social worker and the Emergency Room nurse.  Rather, this is what I’ve learned about Domestic Violence.  It’s what people do when they’re feeling threatened and powerless.

My mother and father are like a real-life Bonnie and Clyde. Their many arguments all flow into one, when I try to recall them, but the essential details remain the same.  When there was no other place for an argument to escalate, they would both lash out physically at each other, each claiming that the other person started it first. In a way, they were both right.  The only way either of them thought they could win the argument was to show who could scratch,cut,claw, slap their way to the top.  Of course, they were both wrong.  But, inadvertently they taught me something about Domestic Violence.  It doesn’t fix anything, because both people in the end are damaged.  You’re damaged because of the feeling of worthlessness that comes after it.  Or, you’re damaged because you don’t realize how fucked up the whole thing is in the first place.   I’ve resolved to never let anyone make me feel that way.  Which is why I’m so outraged that everyone is OK with Chris Brown not feeling like he’s damaged goods.  If anything he relishes that everyone still loves him, and thinks that the people that call him out are the fucked up ones.  Way to go world.

If the only way you think you can win an argument is to punch someone in the face, you’ve already lost.


One Response to “The US Seems To Be Occupied By Members of the He-Man Women Hater’s Club Part 1: Domestic Violence”

  1. Christian February 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm #

    WORD UP!
    Way to go V – well written and quite insightful..

    I felt for you and FELT you..

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