Celebrity N00DZ 2011: Blake Lively

3 Jun

Oh Blakely Lively. Looks like those Travelling Pants traveled right off your body with the rest of your clothes leaving us with a fresh new batch of celebrity nudes. That’s right folks, Serena Van Der Woodson of Gossip Girl has revealed her goodies via camera phone and mirror. I tell ya, these idiotic, vain celebs are putting the JC Penney Photo Lab out of business! While I find the discovery of these pictures slightly humorous I have to admit that my initial reaction was the proclamation of 3 simple words: This. Dumb. Bitch.

Blake, oh, Blake, haven’t you ever read a magazine, turned on a TV or gone on the internet? EVER? I believe that in the “Rules of Fame” handbook they give every young starlet, somewhere within the first chapter is a sentence that looks something like this: If you take a naked picture of yourself it is going to get leaked, bb girl, so think twice before you drop trou. It happens to kids in middle school flashing their training bras to prospective Home Coming Dance suitors and it’s going to happen to you. I don’t care how much you love your boyfriend or how private your iPhone is those pics gon’ get leaked! What’s worse is that Sexting is SO 2009 – and for good reason.  Nude pics used to be scandalous and maybe even a little cool, I mean a sex tape launched Kim Kardashian’s “career”. I’m still not sure what she does exactly but she’s famous, right?  Now it’s just unoriginal – the internet is simply over saturated with boobies and junk galore. In just a few short years the Internet Trolling public of America has had to witness Pete Wentz peen, Miley’s wet t shirt contest, Vanessa Hudgens cooter (twice!) and now Blake Lively? I must say, gurl looks good (not a glimpse of cellulite, Nivea challenge anyone?) but come on, woman, you must have known better than this. I thought you were on the up and up after ditching Penn Badgely for Jack Dawson aka Leonardo DiCaprio. I’ll never let go!

Seriously, Blake, what happened? Maybe you thought because your acting looks and sounds like the way Britney Spears’ dances – motionless, heavily sedated and lacking in enthusiasm – that nobody would be interested in looking at your naked pics but you’re wrong.  Internet trolls like myself love this shit! Why? Because our lives are boring and we like making fun of beautiful rich people to make ourselves feel better. And why not? You get to go to Chanel shows, sit up front and have Karl Lagerfeld swoon over you while I get to go to work and have kids sneeze on me Whose life sucks more? Tis what I thought.

If these were leaked from a boyfriend, which I suspect is what Ms. Lively is going to say, then all I have to say is: get a fucking clue, woman! In general, most people cannot be trusted and they don’t suddenly become more trustworthy just because you happen to be famous and in-demand – actually the opposite happens. You think the person who leaked these did it for free? I highly doubt it. It is a bit sad to think someone close to the lovely Blake did this but it sort of comes with the territory these days.

Now the other possibility, of course, is that this was done by Blake herself or her people. While I never understood why people would purposely leak nude photos, or sex tapes – hello, I have a father, I don’t want him to know I have boobs let alone see them- it’s just as likely that her “camp” released these. Either way, I gotta give it up to Blake for having a sick body and good implants (come on, you know they’re fake) even if her camera word is a bit shoddy. I must admit, though, that I prefer my celebs to keep it classy – it’s safer, still sexy and won’t come back to haunt you when you have children who eventually learn to surf the web.

Blake in happier, classier times


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