Candace and I are always sharing with y’all our annoyances with the dating pool, and although many of our blog readers commiserate with our experiences, it’s safe to say that Candace and I are the worst people to give you dating advice. We’re no experts! We literally have NO proven results from people following our advice. What we do have thankfully, is a good sense of humor about the whole thing. So, that’s why I’ve turned to Erika Ettin of A Little Nudge for some online dating feedback.
Unlike us, Erika has proven results from people taking her online dating advice. She works with her clients to vamp up their online profiles to get the best results, and she was gracious enough to answer a few questions for us while she prepares for Love at First Site, on Monday, April 28, at Sixth & I Synagogue where she’ll go even more in depth. The best part? If you like what Erika is saying here … you can win a pair of tickets to see her speak tonight! Details after Erika’s Q&A!
Hello Dear Readers (and listeners)!
I’m sure y’all have been missing hearing the dulcet vibratos of our voices, but fear not. For we are back with new Podcast episodes. We missed a few weeks due to technical difficulties and also life happens. But we’re back on track going forward.
In our 2nd Episode we break down the love affair of Mindy Lahiri & Danny Castellano, which is not to be undone by all the depressing date stuff that happens to Candace and myself. But we bounce back quickly and talk about terrible movies we can’t help but love (surprisingly a lot of Leonardo DiCaprio in this one), and switch gears and get a little serious on your when it comes to our discussion of the double standards in sexual abuse victims. Continue reading
Hello Dear Readers!
Candace and I have been away from the blog for far too long, tis true. But we have a really good excuse – we’ve been working on a podcast for all of you! This is truly a home-grown operation since Candace lives in NY and I’m in DC, but we shelled out some cash for some semi-professional mikes, and eventually we’ll learn how to record better. But we were too impatient to 100% work out all the kinks in the first round, but you know what? It’s about content! Also, my dog makes a few guest appearances. Continue reading
I love to dance. I also love to eat. What happens when you combine these two things? A fat dancing queen. Which is exactly what I am. I love to bust a move when given the chance whether it means I’m doing a not-so-subtle two step down the cereal isle at the grocery store or workin’ it like it’s my job at Zumba. Some of the best times I can remember have involved me listening to the jams of my choice and breaking it down with friends (including ones I arrived at the scene with or new ones I made on the dance floor). So why am I telling you this? Well, for starters I was moved by some reaction pieces to an article recently posted on XOJane entitled ‘It Happened to Me: There Are No Black People In My Yoga Classes and I’m Suddenly Feeling Uncomfortable With It” In the article, the writer (a thin, white woman) explains her reaction to, for the first time, having a curvacious black woman in her class. I don’t go into details about what she says because, quite honestly, it gives me a headache. What I do want to go into, however, is a reaction piece I read. In “I’m a Big Black Girl Around Small White People and I’m Suddenly Feeling Uncomfortable With It: My Response to xoJane,” writer CeCe Olisa discuses her experience in a mostly white yoga class. What jumped out at me in the article was the expectation that, because she was larger, she wouldn’t be able to do the poses and that when she did she was greeted with praise because she defied the expectation. Being a larger lady myself, I can relate to CeCe’s experience quite a bit.
A recent exchange on twitter has led me to a simple conclusion. So many of us dating online, are failing time and time again to date offline. And then we complain about why we’re still single.
I find that this is the key reason why so many of us are disillusioned the dating pool. People like to say that meeting someone online is all about percentages and algorithms. WRONG. It’s all about TIMING. There is a very small window of opportunity once you open up conversation with a stranger. That window, on average lasts somewhere between 3 to 7 days — a little longer if you’ve been proactive and gotten yourself on the schedule of a particularly busy person. Continue reading
I know in this fast paced world people want and expect answers now now NOW! But when it comes to dating, you have to be a little patient. Why? Well because you can’t have everything you want when you want it, Varuca Salt! Also because when you’re trying to cultivate a relationship with another person you have to understand that everyone is on a different time table and may not be able to answer you right away. This is something I, myself find very difficult. If it takes too long for someone to answer my text I freak out internally thinking they have realized they don’t want to date me anymore and obviously hate me. I am constantly talking myself down from the cliff of insanity by reminding myself that people are busy and that, I too, sometimes take a while to respond. Understanding this is important in order to convey to your potential partner that you can be accommodating and that you respect their time. These are great qualities in a mate – and none of the men I have been speaking to have it.
Recently I have been back on OKCupid because I a) secretly hate myself and because b) my fantasy of meeting someone without putting any effort in whatsoever is seeming less promising as of late. I started talking to this one guy who was a Bruce Springsteen fan (Yes!) He used our mutual affection for the boss as an ice breaker – smart move. I was excited to chat with someone who I might have something in common with until he revealed his lack of patience. I answered his first question only to check my inbox and see 8 more messages sent in a row – each another question. I get it, you’re inquisitive, you want to know more about me but give me a chance to answer! When I joked about his online interrogation (obviously I didn’t use that word) he said, simply, that I was taking too long to answer. Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I have a JOB and can’t sit on OKCupid all day long to answer your questions the SECOND they pop into my inbox. Also if I am taking a long time to answer why are you sending me MORE questions? Wouldn’t that mean that, logically, I would take even LONGER to answer because your messages are clogging up my inbox creating a never ending stream of messages that I must answer one by one? Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal but I admit to having some anger issues so long story short, I was annoyed.
Now take for instance this lovely gentleman. This man thought I was the bees knees and was very open about telling me about it. Call me crazy but if a dude goes out of his way to tell you you’re pretty (even if he’s lying) I think that’s pretty sweet. What’s not sweet is them getting angry at you when you refuse to call them RIGHT THAT SECOND or respond to their questions right that second. This guy got a little mad.
Why do I feel like he’s yelling at me?!
Now call me crazy but this doesn’t seem like the best approach now does it? I get it, you want instant gratification but if you do want to get to know me (which I genuinely suspect you do not) then wouldn’t you want to.. I don’t know… take it down a few notches? We’re all a little crazy in our own ways. We want things when and how we want them but the only way we ever hope to avoid living alone with 40 cats is to be aware that our needs cannot be met instantaneously. So gentlemen (and ladies) if you’re fishing for a new boo you’ve got to give it time. And give them time. Otherwise you look nuts. And a little mean.
It may seem that Candace and I spend most of our time talking about how we wish we had love in our lives. In reality, the dating pool is terrifying and it’s a lot safer to just stay at home and cuddle our pets (in my case) and jazz up our lipstick collection (in Candace’s case). I think one of the greatest things about being single is that I can do all sorts of weird shit to myself, and not be worried that my actions are making my paramour think twice. I know that the beauty stuff that ladies do to themselves freaks guys out because I have personally experienced a soured relationship.
I was dating a guy who lived his life #YOLO to the utmost (I also suspect that he was secret CIA, but that’s another story). Things were going swimmingly with us, until the day I realized I left my car keys at his place. He found them and told me he would drop them off at my house on a Sunday morning before heading to a round of golf (SO ANGLO, I know). Instead of letting my roommate’s boyfriend answer the door for me, I rushed out of the kitchen in a hair towel, fleece bathrobe adorned with baby blue stripes and peace signs (it was a Christmas present in high school, and SUPER warm), and of course, a bright green face mask. I opened the door, and #YOLO stepped back in fear, and carefully handed me my car keys. Our affair quickly fizzled out after that. I suspect that his penchant for blacking out and my penchant for weekend beauty treatments is what did us in. Continue reading